As American as mom and apple pie, Zartan's repertoire of highly conceptual and classy prank phone calls is as infectious as most STD's, while remaining as accessible as Nevada prostitutes.

Hailing from the Green Bay - Appleton - Oshkosh tri-metroplex of Northeast Wisconsin, and armed with all manner of deer hunting rifle and bow, these boys know what it takes to break the myth of the polite Midwesterner.

After a decade of self-released demo cassettes and dubious cult notoriety, Zartan released their first official CD in 2001, a joint venture between no less than five foolish independent record labels.

In addition to the group's telephonic antics, Zartan has also given rare performances of actual music in the Fox Valley region of Wisconsin. Highlights include a grindcore version of "Purple Haze" performed at a Menasha High School Talent Show, as well as a set of experimental guitar noise at Fun-Luvin' Productions in Appleton, for which no audience showed up and the soundman walked out.

The question is often asked, "who are these mysterious dickheads, and what's their fucking problem?" Well...

D-DAWG DEWALD, responsible for approximately 90% of Zartan's output, has been as esteemed member of the US Armed Forces as well as the United Nations Development Programme, has honed his diplomatic skills at the National Model UN Conference, and is currently on probation for making harassing phone calls to a certain ex-girlfriend.

MATT BAKKEN, while only responsible for approximately 5% of Zartan's output, remains the member most willing and able to orchestrate the trio's recording deals. Unfortunately, he is also a member of Cock E.S.P.

PUFF aka POCKETS aka LITTLE BITCH is the silent, serious partner in Zartan, responsible for approximately 5% of the voices heard within. When not seeking out obscure records of avant-garde percussion, he edits a serious music magazine called Fever Pitch.